I didn’t feel driven to him. He has magic that makes you fall for him. He makes me laugh and smile like no one does. He listens to me, cooks, and shares many things I cannot even count. I feel happy when I see a text message from him. Like a kid, my heart is filled with joy when I see him.
I didn’t realize how much he meant to me until I saw his other side. The ugly side of him, but not with me. I don’t know why I wasn’t surprised. Maybe a part of me believed that as kind as he is to me, he can be as ugly as he has been.
Why am I allowing myself to make the same mistake again?
Am I that desperate for love?
Running in the same empty loop is killing me. When will I be able to stop?
Is he part of me now?
Will I ever take control of my life?
I felt sorry for myself because I surrendered to him, to the same old lies I was running from. All because I don’t want to be alone.
I put my heart, fate, and, most importantly, myself in his hands. He controlled me, treating me as his slave. At that moment, I felt I deserved what happened.
But he is about to see my true colours. I told him with a smile, “I ain’t no angel.”, then walked away.